NORWELL, Mass. — Local punk Andy Walsh was shocked to discover that a coffee table book featuring various Russian prison tattoos randomly appeared on his…
EARTH — Punks around the globe who are unsatisfied with oppressive global systems designed to benefit a few powerful individuals at the expense of everyone…
LOS ANGELES — Local goth Ophelia Hall recently began advocating for harsher prison sentences amid calls for justice reform, especially for the serial killer at…
DETROIT — Supposed diehard Slayer fan James Denninger was released from prison this weekend much earlier than expected due to good behavior, confirmed shocked and…
YONKERS, N.Y. — Darnell Hudgens, recently paroled from Westchester County Correctional for marijuana distribution, is reportedly encountering challenges obtaining a job in the legal weed…
We’ve all been there. You thought things were going great with the new guy you’re seeing, but it’s been a few days, and you haven’t…
In a landmark victory for noncorporeal cannabis reform, the Ghostbusters announced via their tax lawyer Louis Tulley that they are releasing hundreds of ghosts they’ve…
PITTSBURGH — Local attorney and hair metal fanatic Rourke Caldwell asked a jury this morning to consider the “landmark case of Roth v. Hagar” when…
WASHINGTON — The Biden-Harris presidential campaign website was updated this morning with a promise to fund more Black-owned prisons, in response to protests calling for…
Beige cinderblock walls. A broken intercom system. The cold indifference of my captors. If I didn’t know better I’d say this was high school. But…
So, you’ve been scooped up off the street by Trump’s secret police and whisked away to an undisclosed location for interrogation and torture. You don’t…
Your Honor, take a look at this jury. When I arrived here for my trial, I was told the jury would be a selection of…
We haven’t heard new music from Korean pop sensation PSY in two years and we wanted to see what he was up to. I convinced…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Local tattoo artist Robert Edward is reportedly seeking adequate care for his near two-dozen tarantulas during his latest stint in Santa…
BRIDGEWATER, Mass. — Your coolest cousin and basically “big brother” from ages 4-13, Donnie McGee, was finally released from prison earlier today, not-so-excited sources confirmed.…