So you laughed, huh? You screwed the pooch. You got too comfortable, let your guard down for just a moment, and you looked him in…
DETROIT — A mixture of ridicule and disgust caused local man Derek Jones to announce his new mustache is not a serious endeavor and is…
It seems like every other day a news report comes about concerning a new type of upper, downer, psychedelic, or inhalant that is ripping its…
BEND, Ore. — Local crust punk Exena Groman admitted that she is only able to relieve her bladder if multiple people are watching and it…
LAS VEGAS — Radio rock stalwarts The Killers apologized to fans yesterday morning after realizing that they missed an obvious, optimal rhyme in their legendary…
APPLETON, Wis. — Teenage prodigy Shari Ford is being hailed as the next great bassist after mastering the electric bass guitar 16 minutes into her…
LOS ANGELES — Film director and Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst put an end to years of debate by issuing a statement clarifying that the…
PHILADELPHIA — Office hero Tom Rafferty was kind enough to unmute his microphone during the company’s team meeting so he could be heard laughing at…
MILWAUKEE — Delusional local man Rick Crawford is convinced coworker Mary Schneider’s barely-concealed hostility toward him is all part of an elaborate inside joke between…
PRESCOTT, Ariz. — FBI Agent Dan Trolley defused a tense standoff with local police over the jurisdiction of a crime scene with a well-timed racist…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local 20-somethings Ashton Knoll and Kevin Stohl were approved yesterday for a second mortgage on their fiddle leaf fig tree, which the…
AGOURA HILLS, Calif. — Local nü-metal band Hog Washer can’t decide which of the countless butthole puns they thought of over the last six months…
LONDON — The Cure founder and noted prankster Robert Smith left another flaming bag of fried chicken on Morrissey’s doorstep last night, sources close to…
CHICAGO — Chicago Police Sgt. Connor Ring is on paid administrative leave after he shot a toddler in the face for “getting his nose” at…
MODESTO, Calif. — Local music fan Kenny Dillinger noted publicly yesterday that he is happy to listen to anything except for women and country music,…