So you laughed, huh? You screwed the pooch. You got too comfortable, let your guard down for just a moment, and you looked him in the eye, with your big, sparkling, beautiful eyes, and laughed at his wisecrack. And look. what. happened. He reminded you exactly why you should never ever do that by immediately asking if he could kiss you. Come on, you’re better than that. Take a moment to think about what you did, where you went wrong, and the dangers of laughing at their jokes.
Sources nearby told us they saw it coming from a mile away. “It was after a work event. She was wearing heels, and it was the end of the night so her feet hurt. He said he’d switch shoes with her but only if she was prepared for his catwalk strut… or some shit. I think it was a combination of the relief from the social anxiety and a silly fashion joke that put her at ease. When I heard her laugh, I thought ‘oh no…’”
Another female bystander added, “Yeah, you really can’t make those kind of errors. Especially so late in the game. He lit up, his entire disposition changed. It was like the laugh was a red mushroom in Super Mario Bros that made him physically stronger, more powerful, brazen…”
Promptly came those four words like loaded pistols, “Can I kiss you?” Even after your graceful and compassionate rebuff, preserving what you could of his dignity, he still shot back with, “Can I at least get a hug?” “That’s when I had to look away,” the bystander added, just shaking her head.
There are plenty of things that can cloud your judgment and make you think it’s safe to laugh in the company of a man. A man in your yoga class, a man who dated your sister, a man with long well-kept fingernails, a man who’s working on himself in therapy, a man who generously gave you a ride home one time, or a man who noticed you cut your hair seven inches, just to name a few. There are also no safe locations. Just because you’re at your dad’s funeral doesn’t mean it’s safe to express any emotion that could be taken as romantic interest. You must stay vigilant and make no exceptions.
Though rare, it’s important to remember men can be funny. There are instances when the thing you laughed at was actually genuinely comical. In which case your diaphragm contracting is not a careless blunder from nerves and anxiety, pity, courtesy, exhaustion, fear, embarrassment, or weaponized charm… It’s a real, true undeniable, uncontrollable paroxysmal response. For cases like these, the only options are denial and death.