LOS ANGELES — Local gamer Aaron Hopper insisted that he “plays way better when he’s stoned” despite a complete lack of experience playing any other…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local punk Rachel “Puke Pig” Valentino left an adult bookstore yesterday ready to enjoy a nice, cold canister of nitrous oxide following…
Guy with Pavement Lyrics on Tinder Profile Looking for Obscure but Critically Acclaimed Relationship
CHICAGO — Local Pavement fan Nathan Matthews added Pavement lyrics to his Tinder profile yesterday, hoping to attract a woman with the same exact hyper-specific…
DETROIT — Local pothead Sarah Murphy’s distress after encountering a spoiler of a movie she planned on seeing was immediately relieved after she forgot what…
WHEELING, W.V. — Local woman and drug enthusiast Lindsey Cruz reportedly turned down the opportunity to trip balls for less than $4 last night, thanks…
RENO, Nev. — Democratic Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg canceled an appearance with a local voter group yesterday after spinning out into a bad, six-hour drug…
KINGSTON, Jamaica — An ocean liner hosting the 311 Caribbean Festival Cruise struck a reef off the coast of Jamaica yesterday, spilling nearly 11 million…
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Attendees of an all-ages hardcore show last night were treated to the arrival of local straight edge punk Brett Williams, riding…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Local punk Hazel Mason ate her entire three-day supply of weed earlier today while standing in line to enter The Fest, trying…
Duuuuuuude. I know. I’m like 20 minutes late for the mid shift and you look suuuuper pissed off. Like mad mad. But here’s the thing,…
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. — Martin Savage, promoter of the first annual High & Low Festival, was reportedly surprised to find a number of attendees camping…
CALGARY, Alta. — The debut tour of the revamped Tegan and Sara lineup, featuring Rome Ramirez in place of the departed Sara, has left fans…
MERRICK, N.Y. — Seminal emo/indie rockers Brand New are hard at work writing the soundtrack of your drunken, late-night phone call to your high school…