PHILADELPHIA — Local pet owner Dylan Murphy could not find a suitable adoptive home for his beloved pet cockatoo last week, despite incessantly screaming “FREE…
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Supreme Court handed down a landmark decision yesterday preserving the rights of punk bands to cover pop music, regardless of how…
NEW YORK — President Trump promised this morning to bring five of the “best and loudest” dog whistle factories back to American soil, during a confrontational…
TUCSON, Ariz. –– Members of local pop-punk band Trashlings were advised by their GPS to avoid another disastrous tour altogether after nine hours of loading…
HAMILTON, N.Y. — Colgate University freshman and practicing Buddhist Devin Fredericks achieved a spiritual milestone last week after purchasing a poster from the campus bookstore…
PITTSBURGH — After blasting through the first 27 songs of their set last night, local grindcore vocalist Alex Brown asked if his band had time…
SAN FRANCISCO — Born-again metalhead Pete Ericson will only listen to Testament albums released before 1992, claiming those records are “the sacred works of metal…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Local stoner metal band Soundmurder are making “painful” sacrifices to accommodate a tedious, sober search for a new day job following their…
DENVER — Semi-professional photographer Dennis Bachmann stands accused this morning of overenthusiastically supporting same-sex female relationships, according to multiple creeped out sources. Allegations spread after…
AUGUSTA, Maine — Local drummer Dicky Carter only needs to borrow a kick drum, snare drum, a stool, and one stick from the other bands…
WASHINGTON — California Rep. Adam Schiff announced earlier today via livestream from the Democratic Party Twitter account that his party now has nearly enough tweets…
Hi everybody, allow me introduce myself. I’m the guy at every hardcore show who freaks out if you bump into him. So DON’T FUCKING ASK…
TACOMA, Wash. — Despite his rigorous touring schedule, guitarist Marcus Lorenez still finds time to be an “inconsiderate and neglectful” member of his household, according…
There is absolutely no feeling like attending a small, intimate show. How many times have you gotten into a great band, only to go to…
Rescue Workers Called to Free Over 900 Instagram Users Caught In Thirst Trap
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Instagram officials were forced to call in rescue workers this past weekend after a Thirst Trap claimed over 900 users, according…