AKRON, Ohio — Local band The Heave-Hos took a major risk last night during their set at Grampa’s Bar & Grill, telling the energetic crowd…
NIAGARA FALLS, N.Y. — Three days after his 34th birthday, computer programer Adam White admitted his growing concern that he’s now “too old to die…
KENOSHA, Wis. — Accidental researcher Justin Greer found that the standard for a “good song” on the radio drops considerably after only 25 minutes, during…
OMAHA, Neb. — Fundamentalist punk Jacob Krayer believes the Greater Omaha hardcore scene is only six years old despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, sources…
DULUTH, Minn. — The overweight frontman of Duluth pop-punk favorites the Buttercream Gang admitted earlier today to his growing desire to leave his local Hometown…
SEATTLE — Dave Grohl, the famed drummer, guitarist and musical overachiever, has formed a new supergroup consisting only of himself, industry sources confirmed. “Dave has…
DETROIT — Local man Marty Chambers reported today that he no longer wants to assume any responsibilities tied to his identity, following the recent news…
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — A seemingly random episode of Frasier syncs perfectly with Orchid’s debut album, Chaos Is Me, according to devout screamo fan and self-described…
NEW YORK — Adam Lefler, singer/songwriter and frontman for the emo-punk trio Forever Tuesday, is transitioning from an unsuccessful frontman to an even less successful…
CHICAGO — A paper wristband used to denote patrons of legal drinking age was applied in an appallingly lackluster fashion during a show last night…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — An adjunct lecturer of American Studies at Santa Monica City College strongly hinted to his class this morning that he had…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local crust-punk Richard Andre married his roommate Morgan Atwell yesterday in a romantic ceremony in which he passed his contagious ringworm infection…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — EMT student Lindsay Taugida set a record yesterday during a class test in reaching 220 beats-per-minute while performing CPR, officials at the…
AMERICA — Parents nationwide went into a frenzy yesterday when a dangerous new party drug swept across their Facebook pages, multiple panicked sources confirmed. The…
CHARLEROI, Pa. — Self-proclaimed digital activist Rich Costen is “totally and happily” unaware that not one of his Facebook friends follows his account on the…