BOSTON — Local music patron Claras Deacon called the Boston Police Department last night to report an out-of-place backpack repeatedly smashing into her face and…
NEW YORK — Marshal Everly, the frontman of local folk-punk quartet The Lagers, introduced the members of his band to the audience during their set…
MENDOCINO, Calif. — Devout disciples of Jerry Garcia have begun a gradual, reluctant transition from worshipping the original Grateful Dead band leader to following his…
EVANSTON, Ill. — Punk mother Danica Friedman announced she would be distributing a compilation of previously unreleased, rarely tasted Thanksgiving sides this year, family sources…
THE SUBURBS — Your mother left you a stern voicemail this morning, reminding you that if you want to participate in this week’s holiday festivities,…
WASHINGTON — President Trump pardoned a 5-year old Bourbon Red turkey named Mikey this morning, sparking outrage amongst law enforcement officials who insist the turkey…
HANSON, Mass. — Local punk Brandon Gardner will continue his annual Thanksgiving tradition of hiding from his family in his aunt’s garage, Gardner himself confirmed…
ST. LOUIS — Five-year-old punk kindergartner Trisha Saunders drew attention this morning during an arts and crafts session for drawing a hand turkey with one…
LODI, N.J — The Crimson Ghost, the longtime logo for the Misfits, successfully passed its algebra test last week thanks to after-school tutoring from a…
WASHINGTON — A new wave of allegations was brought against President Trump today, now under investigation for pardoning a turkey with direct ties to Russian…
DENVER — Last night’s Sufjan Stevens concert was ruined by two disruptive audience members, whose hushed whispers throughout the show rendered the singer completely inaudible, multiple…
SAN DIEGO — Southern California band Weeping Lesion returned from a multi-state Southern tour this week, regaling friends with “crazy” stories of obscure, regional fast…
FERNDALE, Mich. — Amateur woodworker Larry Tashlin finished his latest birdhouse last night, complete with a functioning, and admittedly adorable, little basement venue at the…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Indie-rock band Wavves had the extra ‘V’ from their name stolen out of their tour van late last night during a routine…
LOS ANGELES — Johnny “Fire” Ferminelli, the frontman of suburban metalcore band Seasons of Fire, pledged a lifelong commitment to his girlfriend last night, asking…