LOS ANGELES — “Weird Al” Yankovic’s “This is My Hair I Cut,” a parody of Childish Gambino’s extremely popular “This is America,” has exposed a…
CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski reportedly may add a light gray sweater to her otherwise black wardrobe, potentially due to her fulfilling relationship,…
SEATTLE — Prospective model Magda “Mimi” Maiers had the Shutterstock watermark tattooed directly onto her forehead last week in the hopes of putting herself ahead…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local bouncer Terry Brawn initiated an important and revealing third look last night at a potential patron’s driver’s license before allowing entry…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Your temper will be your downfall this week, Aries. Pick your battles. Your Marxist memes on Facebook are concerning your family,…
BROOKLYN — Self-proclaimed Led Zeppelin expert Gil Costa cited local insufferable Tolkien aficionado Brian Turner yesterday as a major influence on Costa’s Zeppelin-themed social media…
CINCINNATI — 32-year-old claims adjuster Aaron Madson spent the past week listening to classic nü-metal alone in his car “as a joke” for hours before…
CHICAGO — The Diva Cup menstrual device disappointed fans and promoters alike last night, canceling a gig at the last minute because the venue was…
EL PASO, Texas — Kaplan, Inc. is releasing a new, signature model of their SAT Reading & Writing Prep book to honor the intense vocabulary…
NEW YORK — Singer/multi-instrumentalist Corey Mathis successfully created the illusion of gang vocals last week by re-recording himself dozens of times, according to the credits…
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — An alluring, mysterious punk puzzled patrons of DIY venue The Back Room last Friday by leaning against a wall and casually…
BOSTON — Local emo act Bottom Drawer are planning a devious surprise for listeners, penning the lyrics to their song “Field of Sadness” with the…
AKRON, Ohio — Legendary punk venue The Broken Bottle was evacuated late Saturday night after nobody confronted the Canada goose that landed in the pit…
LAS VEGAS — Local punk Jenny Klepski’s eyes were badly strained last night by focusing on the small print lineup at the bottom of a…
Aries (March 21-April 19) You’ve been juggling your career, romance, and creative interests for the past year, Aries… and, hey: maybe it’s time to say…