CINCINNATI — 32-year-old claims adjuster Aaron Madson spent the past week listening to classic nü-metal alone in his car “as a joke” for hours before and after work, concerned sources confirmed.
“Mudvayne, Linkin Park, Papa Roach… it’s so bad, it’s good,” said Madson from inside his 2013 Toyota Camry. “I’ll admit, I sometimes catch myself tapping my toes to a few songs — or posting Slipknot lyrics on Facebook — and I randomly do that ‘ooh wah ah ah ah’ thing from ‘Down With the Sickness’ throughout the day, but it’s only because I hate it so much.”
Madson’s ironic nü-metal infatuation goes well beyond the music, as he admits to “hate-reading” articles and books about several of the genre’s pioneering bands.
“You know Korn, right? They’re the worst. Take, for instance, this tidbit from Korn’s official biography: ‘‘Freak on a Leash’ is actually a subtle and insightful indictment of the music industry, according to singer Jonathan Davis.’ So lame,” said Madson, shortly after booking an appointment to get an ironic Limp Bizkit tattoo on the bottom of his foot. “The whole genre is just so goofy. Heavy riffs, but mainstream appeal? Come on.”
Friend Geri Noblet confronted Madson on Thursday after he spent hundreds of dollars on vintage nü-metal merchandise.
“Before, it was harmless stuff, like spelling ‘Stained’ without the ‘e.’ But then he bought a 2001 Family Values Tour shirt on eBay for $400 because ‘it’s hilarious,’” said Noblet. “This is way different than me listening to corny John Mayer albums… which is only because he’s an impressive guitarist. Aaron actually likes the music.”
Madson’s sister, Monica, claimed her brother would be much happier if he just admitted to sincerely enjoying nü-metal.
“It’s sad. He clearly loves it, but is so afraid of what people think,” she said. “He should be honest with himself. I mean, sure, we will all absolutely tear him a new ass when he admits it, but he should still be honest with himself.”
Despite this concern, Madson’s “ironic” love of nü-metal shows no signs of slowing down.
“I just bought tickets to see Kid Rock in concert!” Madson said. “I’ve got my JNCO jeans, a chain wallet, dyed-black dreads… I can’t wait to goof on those dork ass fans.”
“Ooh wah ah ah ah!” he later added.