DENVER — Local anomaly and known dirtbag David Gunther has perplexed a team of scientists with his disgust at the hypothetical prospect of a woman…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — Local tattoo artist Jory Belden has created a book of preconceived conversation topics for clients refer to and choose from during their…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Single Aries should be on the lookout for a new “special someone” in places they might otherwise not look…
LOS ANGELES — Tech billionaire Elon Musk and legendary U2 frontman Bono announced today that, after years of testing and research, their team finally has…
AUSTIN, Texas — A local Iron Maiden T-shirt came to the sudden realization yesterday, to its horror and disgust, that it was being sold at…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — A new documentary chronicling the creation of the Creedence Clearwater Revival song “Fortunate Son” will feature a brief appearance from the obscure,…
ATLANTA — UberPOOL driver Christian Domingo was blindsided Thursday when he unwittingly became the driver for the last leg of Grime Squad’s east coast tour,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Recent transplant and aspiring landlord Jenny Holmes is “surprisingly cool,” according to her first tenants, as she is allegedly willing to be…
COCKEYSVILLE, Md. — Computer scientists have successfully created a new algorithm for punks, elitists, and adherents to all things “alt” to keep up with all…
BALTIMORE — Barbecue attendee James Duffy was disappointed to learn this afternoon that vegan host Terry Russo provided meat options for his guests, forcing Duffy…
SEATTLE — Recently relocated musician Nadine Oliver is still finding her way hating the city chosen last month as her new home, according to neighbors…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Keep your cool this week, Aries. Temper tantrums are like rocks in rochambeau — you should only throw them…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Touring punk band Ghost Manor ended their headlining set at a basement show last night by exiting stage left and cramming…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Gravel took home the honors last night for the most damaging and uncomfortable surface to drunkenly face-plant onto after a long…
BOISE, Idaho — A car full of emo fans nearly devolved into chaos early yesterday morning as all five passengers suddenly assumed they were singing…