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Relocated Punk Still Getting the Hang of Hating New Town

SEATTLE — Recently relocated musician Nadine Oliver is still finding her way hating the city chosen last month as her new home, according to neighbors and bystanders within earshot of the complaints.

“I’m still getting my bearings, but I’m slowly getting a feel for the unique things that suck about this place,” Oliver said of the town she willingly picked as her new home over countless other options. “Pretty soon, I’ll be whining like a local.”

Oliver credited her assimilation into the new town she’s determined to talk shit about to the city’s friendly residents, who have been crucial to her acclimation.

“The adjustment hasn’t been easy, but I’ve met some really fake people who taught me a lot about how this scene used to be cool,” Oliver admitted. “I’ve already found a mediocre pizza place, just like the one we used to smash bottles against back home… and there’s this yuppie bar with overpriced craft cocktails right down the street from my house.”

“There’s gentrification for you,” she added.


In addition to learning which neighborhoods are “played out” and what bars to avoid, Oliver confided she’s struggled with navigating the layout of an unfamiliar city.

“It’s been tricky learning all the street names, but I’m looking forward to letting out that first exasperated sigh when a tourist asks me for directions,” Oliver said. “I’m still getting a feel for the best routes to take to work, but hopefully I’ll have it down soon so I can start complaining about the traffic.”

Despite her slow start, Oliver remains confident she’ll be hating where she lives in no time.

“I know it just takes time — you have to experience and complain about all four seasons before a new place finally feels like home,” she said. “But I’m just gonna keep trying to stay jaded ‘til it feels right. It’s really all about getting out there and saying ‘no’ to as many new opportunities as I can.”

At press time, Oliver had completed two new songs, both with lyrics about getting out of “this town.”