WASHINGTON — Democrats have proposed historic legislation that would end the traditional “goodnight kiss” they previously gave all cops right after tucking them into bed…
Given that we’ve been in some sort of recession or another ever since I’ve been old enough to know the word “republican,” it’s time we…
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Department of Commerce issued a concerning report this morning, finding that 78% of American corporations are barely scraping by and living…
WASHINGTON — Presidential hopeful, and supposed socialist, Bernie Sanders selfishly won his third state during the democratic primary and seems completely unwilling to share the…
YOUNGSTOWN, Ohio — Disturbed federal agents confirmed today that local punk and well-known exhibitionist Angela Meyers has removed the little piece of green tape that…
LINCOLN COUNTY, Nev. — Matt Skiba, originally of Alkaline Trio, and more recently singer/guitarist in Blink-182, is set to replace Tom DeLonge as leader of…
MIDDLETOWN, Del. — Local Middletown police are reportedly searching for any excuse to justify the use of a brand new tank the United States government…
PHILADELPHIA — A group of local crust punks selflessly offered to help furloughed “bootlicking peons of the bloated and immoral federal government” yesterday by teaching…
WASHINGTON — Members of the newly-inaugurated 116th Congress of the United States are already facing a fresh challenge: rebooting a shutdown government in safe mode.…
WASHINGTON — Police officers broke up a rowdy Capitol Hill gathering early Saturday morning after receiving noise complaints from several neighbors, multiple sources report. “Shit,…
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Local libertarian Peter Murphy faced off against and won a rousing debate last night against his radical, left-wing activist girlfriend who doesn’t…
Bang Bang Boom Boom Bang — the crackle of an AR-15? No, explosions from typing on this iPad Pro’s screen A poem to shrivel any…
The only thing I love more than American soldiers is preparing to defend myself against them by stockpiling as much heavy weaponry as possible. I…
NEW YORK — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration recalled nearly 300 tons of raw denim earlier today after multiple reports from hipsters, fashionistas, and…
WASHINGTON –– The GOP-led House of Representatives voted on Thursday 217-213 in favor of terminating 24 million pre-existing humans from Earth. “They had a good…