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Hey Conservatives: You Better Believe I’m Coming for Your Guns… Via My Poetry!

Bang Bang Boom Boom Bang — the crackle of an AR-15? 

No, explosions from typing on this iPad Pro’s screen

A poem to shrivel any right-wing nutjob’s peen


This is the first assault of the liberal left

My prose and pentameter will cut, oh so deft

Through the heart of that silly Second Amendment


Guns are stupid and gun owners insecure

While they brush their tooth and shovel manure

What will guns do against tanks, bombs, and drone strike gore?


I am myself a well-regulated militia

Of Bukowski and Whitman and Plath, Silvia

If you just lend me your ear a minute, will ya?


Related: I Respect the Troops by Maintaining a Huge Arsenal in Case I Ever Need to Murder Them


You may say, “Why not protest or run for office?

Only people who agree with you will ever hear this.”

I say, “That’s not the point, I am a true artist.”


So I fill my Volvo’s gas tank (which my dad will pay)

And travel from Williamsburg to Greenpoint to Sheepshead Bay

Spreading the word of a future gun-free USA.


And I carry my rage along my poetry tour

In the backroom of countless commie bookstores

To read to patrons, green, pink, and blue hair galore