I know how this scheme works, you liberal cucks. First you wanna take away my beloved machine guns, which I have nicknamed “Better Penis” and…
LOS ANGELES – Local wellness influence Juniper “Uni” Ferdinand offered her sincerest thoughts and manifestations to the victims of another senseless mass shooting, her followers…
Unless you live on Mars or with your boomer parents who only watch Newsmax, you’ve likely noticed that the United States has a bit of…
What’s happening in Texas right now is deplorable and horrifying. The far-right extremism that has wormed its way to the top of the state is…
Okay, listen up, snowflakes. There’s been a lot of talk about piercing guns, and how they’re “unsafe” and “put children at risk of horrific infections”.…
Republicans fear a lot of things: Gender-neutral bathrooms, Dr. Seuss books they’ve never heard of getting discontinued, and us Democrats “coming for your guns.” Ooh,…
The conversation surrounding what should be done about gun violence in America has become more exhausting than ever; with each shooting, a nationwide argument ensues…
NEW YORK — A visibly desperate and agitated President Donald Trump loaded his IMI Desert Eagle handgun today and travelled to Manhattan’s 5th Ave. to…
As a police union representative, let me say this in plain English for all you darn snowflakes trying to defund the police: We Need Cops!…
No way! Check it out! You won’t believe it! Woah. Get over here! I didn’t believe it but it’s true; take a look for yourself!…
LOS ANGELES — Industrial rock musician Marilyn Manson is growing increasingly frustrated and distraught over high-profile mass shootings in the U.S. and his apparent lack…
GREENVILLE, Vt. — Lifelong Greenville resident Jordan Mateusz struggled to recall yesterday which of the many tragedies that befell his hometown prompted the creation of…
ODESSA, Texas — Local man Grant Hopkins informed his friend group today that he can’t make it to this mass shooting, but, statistically speaking, he…
RENO, Nev. — Sweaty and bumbling 16-year-old Skyler Donovan attempted to hide in a locker today next to his crush Christina Selig while dodging bullets…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — California lawmakers passed a sweeping zine control bill today, banning DIY publications capable of being read by more than 10 people per…