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Good Guy With Gun Also Asshole With Pickup Truck Depending on Time of Day

BENSON, Ariz. — Keith Donner, a 45-year-old autobody technician, believes he is one of the fabled “good guys with a gun” while others often describe him as “an absolute prick,” multiple sources confirmed.

“Look, I’m not anything special. I think with my firearm training, I’m here at the right place, right time. Every time,” said Donner while sliding the clip into his Desert Eagle, and holstering it on his belt next to his gigantic leatherbound Android. “You have these hooligans roaming the streets in their Hybrid cars, trying to riot for God knows what. The police have their hands full enough as it is. So responsible gun owners gotta step up and be ready for anything, whether it’s at Wetzel’s Pretzels or a Barnes and Noble. Graffiti artists beware, not in my town. The Woke Mob. Shoplifters. I want people to know when I go into an Olive Garden that they’re going to be safe to enjoy their breadsticks while I’m there.”

But despite Donner’s self-ordained call to arms to protect his fellow citizens, there are more than a few critics in the community who see a completely different side to the father of three.

“Yeah Keith isn’t anyone I would describe as ‘good,’ or even ‘decent,’” laughed Officer Matthew Young. “The guy with the Dodge Ram Cummins with the sticker of Calvin peeing on the word ‘Abortion’? I have miles of incident reports with him and that goddamned truck. He runs around here going 20-30mph over the speed limit. Doing burnouts at his kid’s school when he drops them off. Then there are the noise complaints by his neighbors. I can’t go a week without finding him sitting in his truck listening to ‘Lips of an Angel’ at max volume, sobbing in the driveway at like 4 a.m. I believe in the 2nd Amendment, but if I could take away his guns I would in a heartbeat..”

To academics, this is a prime example of man’s duality between self-perception and reality.

“Totally not uncommon and this is a fascinating example, especially when the subject has absolutely no means of self-reflection,” said Dr. Elizabeth Kinney of Tucson Medical Center. “The good-guy-with-a-gun vs. asshole with a pickup truck trope fits nicely next to other historically great duos. The-male-feminist as whining-sex-pest, for instance. Or the billionaire-inventor-philanthropist as thin-skinned-self-owning-troll. These delusional self-perceptions can provide years of academic study in our field for generations”

As of press time, Donner was last seen quickly exiting a Rainforest Cafe after being startled into accidentally opening fire on an animatronic gorilla.