NEW YORK — Local punk band Horny Horny Hippos magically transformed into a supergroup when a spider living in their practice space turned radioactive and…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. – Notorious asshole Bill Finley was kidnapped in the middle of the night by a disembodied paranormal entity and taken on an…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Perpetual IPA drinker Benson Watley is reportedly relieved, albeit secretly, that he can now enjoy hard seltzers without the social stigma once…
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — A team of doctors at Barnes Hospital completed an unprecedented surgery when they successfully removed a pair of wraparound sunglasses from…
ATLANTA — Two cubicle neighbors who haven’t seen one another in over twenty-four months are basically caught up on one another’s lives in under a…
SEATTLE — Local guitarist Griffin Barens carefully submerged his soaked amplifier into 10,000 pounds of uncooked rice after playing a rainy outdoor show in hopes…
CANAL WINCHESTER, Ohio — Local man Evan Taylor found himself the unwitting winner of his friend’s ugly Christmas sweater party after wearing a horrendously tacky…
RESTON, Va. – Lifelong punk and diehard Dischord Records fan Meredith Jozak questioned the legitimacy of her beloved Minor Threat merch beer koozie after reflecting…
GRESHAM, Ore. — Local friendless reject Dennis Hagar is looking to give away an extra ticket to tonight’s Classless Few show to anyone willing to…
LAKE FOREST, Calif. — Local high school band teacher Kurt Hill has yet to reveal to his students that he played trumpet for the band…
JERUSALEM — Biblical scholars were stunned by a newly discovered set of ancient scrolls that suggests Jesus not only turned water into wine, but also…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — Local musician Teddie Hutchinson broke his 23-day streak of avoiding anything resembling a natural food when he accidentally ingested a mouthful of…
CHICAGO — Standing against the wall, milling about, or looking around while waiting for acts to play is considered the favorite part of shows at…
LOS ANGELES — Film director and Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst put an end to years of debate by issuing a statement clarifying that the…
LOS ANGELES — Tobey Maguire’s highly anticipated return to the Spider-Man franchise is already confusing fans when it was announced that his character will be…