MORGANTOWN, W.V. — Self-proclaimed party animal Derek Plomchock astounded friends and roommates by somehow surpassing three sturdily locked doors and projectile vomiting into a laundry…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Pretentious bourbon sniffer Patrick Welles is ruining the otherwise fun vibes of an impromptu house party hang with his talk of tasting…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Local drunk Peter Brooks was outraged to find that despite holding the high score on the bar’s AC/DC pinball machine bartender Ben…
All I’ve heard my entire life is that alcohol is bad for my body, it’s destroying my insides, it’s gonna send me to an early…
I remember bouncing on my father’s knee when I was just a boy, his breath that comforting aroma of Milwaukee’s Best and 711 taquitos. He…
BOSTON — Friends and relatives of local resident, Brian Gibbs, have reported that the 28-year-old has insisted for years that his frequent tremors are due…
BERKELEY, Calif. — An elite panel of alternative medical professionals announced that the common identifier “California Sober” is being expanded to include both psilocybin (magic…
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local man Jerrod Wader was seen advising caution to a group of friends leaving his home during a St. Patrick’s Day party…
LOS ANGELES — Literary agent and frequent binge drinker Lana Delano has no idea that despite her protests, California’s statewide 2 a.m. last call is…
ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Local man Greg Fitzwater began scrolling through his targeted ads to try to piece together what happened after waking up from a…
AUBURN, Maine — Local resident Charles Brennan’s screen door proved to be an effective way to measure the sobriety of guests at his house party…
It’s always embarrassing when people come to your home and it’s one of the 358 days out of the year that your place is a…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local man Will Chalke shared his health-conscious drinking regime this morning, noting that – in order to keep himself in check –…
It’s been over a year and you’ve been crushing your sobriety. Over twelve straight months without a drop of alcohol has led to improvements in…
AMHERST, N.Y. — Claudia Piper has selected the dress that she will vomit André Spumante all over this New Year’s Eve, most likely while in…