NEW YORK — A group of admittedly “horned-up” and “desperate” ornithologists confessed that the majority of questionable bird names were direct results of their uncontrollable…
Between the pandemic, rising fuel prices and some real fucking bad luck at the dog track, more and more Americans are taking on side hustles…
AUSTIN, Texas — A desperate guitar pick is currently clinging to the inside body of an acoustic guitar belonging to beginner musician Vernon Nixon, nearby…
Oh, you’re bisexual, huh? Sorry, I’m not buying it. You’re probably just in denial or saying that to get guys like me intrigued. Well, joke’s…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local psychedelic doo-wop band Francis and the Francy Boys are preparing to play the “only a few tix left” gambit in response…
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced earlier this week that fully vaccinated people may safely end the lame-ass relationships they were…
LOS ANGELES — Local trans woman Ruby Aldorff posted a picture of herself eating a hotdog on Instagram yesterday, desperate for anyone to not have…
NEW YORK — A visibly desperate and agitated President Donald Trump loaded his IMI Desert Eagle handgun today and travelled to Manhattan’s 5th Ave. to…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk and weed enthusiast Sam “Switch” Gremillion inserted his penis into an old bong Wednesday afternoon in a desperate attempt at…
NEW YORK — Vice writer Evan Walsh spent countless hours last week trying to find something problematic about a recent viral meme featuring Spongebob Squarepants…
NEW YORK — Struggling indie trio Sternum First adopted a French bulldog puppy yesterday, undergoing one final attempt to reconnect and save the band from…
CLEVELAND — Showgoer Timothy Boyce has become trapped in a mosh pit after his panicked flailing and aggressive shouting were mistaken as genuine moshing, witnesses…