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Oh, You’re Bisexual? Tell Us Three Women You Hooked up With, and Please Share Every Detail

Oh, you’re bisexual, huh? Sorry, I’m not buying it. You’re probably just in denial or saying that to get guys like me intrigued. Well, joke’s on you, because I don’t fall for that shit. If you’re really attracted to people of your gender and people of other genders, tell me three women you’ve hooked up with. And please, don’t be afraid to go into every detail of those encounters.

Really, if you’re so bisexual, I would love to hear about a time when you and a female acquaintance had a few too many drinks and maybe started undressing each other, innocent at first, perhaps it started as a joke, but then you were kissing and things escalated from there…or something. I don’t know. You’re the one who’s bi. Allegedly.

What, do my questions offend you? Are you saying that just because you’ve mentioned your sexual orientation, that doesn’t mean you want to share personal details of your sexual history with me? What’s that about? Sounds like poser talk to me!

I don’t even need to hear what you all did together, unless sharing specifics about your preferred positions would make you feel better. You’re a bottom, right? Submissive? I’m just making an informed guess, based on your makeup, and my expertise on bi chicks from what I’ve read. I read a lot. And I’ve seen some videos online.

But, hey, if you wanted to tell me about what the woman who you most recently had sex with looked like, such as her body type or ethnicity or even just a few words about her feet? I think a real bisexual would definitely have that info.

I’m actually an ally to the queer community, which is why I’m asking you this in the first place. There’s nothing worse than posers trying to invade queer spaces, or mislead lesbians looking for love, or partnership, or even just a good time one night. Maybe in a pool or a hot tub. When I think of what you’re doing to those poor lesbians, maybe with a loofah, or some sort of toy, I feel sick, and sweaty a little, and I need some time to myself, so please don’t come over here for several minutes.

Is scissoring a real thing? I mean, obviously, I know, I just want to make sure you know. And if you’ve done it, and with who, and what they looked like or if you have pics or whatever.

Fine, I can tell you don’t want to tell me. I can just watch. Please?