James Knapp
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DALEVILLE, Va. — Local metal fan Cliff Gallaway mistakenly drank an entire bottle of high-end shampoo in the shower this…
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Rose Vineshank
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Let me get one thing straight. This may be a punk house, but we’re upper-crust-punks. Whatever I offer my guests…
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Johnny Sparkles
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Is there anything better than an ice-cold beer? I don't know about you, but at the end of a hard…
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Ben Friedman
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MINNEAPOLIS — Local good boy Valentino was disgusted and appalled last week after an afternoon at his favorite brewery was…
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Griffin Constant
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PHILADELPHIA — Local man Ollie Harris forced down another five beers and a bunch of chips moments ago in an…
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Ted Pillow
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Am I the future of Gonzo journalism? I sure hope so, because my behavior today endangered my marriage, traumatized my…
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Zac Lux
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LOS ANGELES — Legendary metal band Goop has reunited after seven years apart to release a boring, flavorless craft beer…
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Tom Peters
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WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — Disgruntled, maskless consumer Rod Shockley was seen outside a local supermarket yesterday asking customers complying with the…
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Ted Pillow
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ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Quarantined father Chris Denny is struggling with his son’s 33-piece jigsaw puzzle after drinking almost an entire…
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Jon Swihart
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Listen pussies, I’m not going to “tone down” my drinking just because you claim I have a problem. Sure, my…
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