HARRISONBURG, Va. — Local punk and obvious alcoholic Marcia Fries announced moments ago that despite consuming nearly a dozen cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer…
Oh boy, look who just walked in. Who does this douchebag think he is? I hate when assholes from out of town come through here…
INDIO, Calif. — Urban legends and age-old folklore circulating at this year’s Coachella allege that “abundant, hassle-free” beer awaits revelers in a rarely-trodden, enigmatic corner…
C’mon, what are you, some kinda’ pussy?! Do this beer bong, bro! Don’t wuss out on me. I invite you to my home, supply you…
FORT WORTH, Texas — Fervent Beto O’Rourke supporter Ritchie Garza attended a fundraiser event for the U.S. Senatorial candidate late last week, at which he…
Oh ho ho, would you look at this shit. Looks like somebody got a beer belly over the years. Somebody who used to judge me…
EVERETT, Wash. — Toy manufacturer Funko Pop announced today that they will be releasing a Brett Kavanaugh collectible figure this winter, drawing criticism from those…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Hedonistic rocker Andrew W.K held a press conference today to address accusations that his stage persona may be a “gimmick,” releasing…
Damnit. I knew this day would come, I just didn’t know when exactly or how, but here I am. My roommate got a book on…
All day long I hear people complaining about how bad alcohol is. How it destroys families and makes you shit your pants at your girlfriend’s…
Merry autumnal equinox, fuckers! That’s right, it’s finally the time of year when the leather jacket you wore all summer is actually necessary and endless…