Remember bars? Remember partying until the break of dawn in your favorite dive spot while the glow of New York City lights up the faces of hammered finance bros? Well, bars are back, baby! It’s time to get your vaccinated ass back into the social world and start remembering everything you hated about bars to begin with. Over-priced cocktails, sweaty dudes, neverending bathroom lines. It’s all waiting for you! So, we’ve put together a list of the best bars in NYC that will remind you why you used to always bail on Happy Hour.
Jake’s Dilemma, Upper West Side
You’ve been in quarantine for so long that you almost forgot that entitled frat bros exist. Unfortunately, within the first two minutes at Jake’s Dilemma, you’ll be reminded of their sad and overpopulated existence on the Upper West Side. In this hot spot for Alpha Phi guys, you can absolutely expect to be hit in the back of the head with a beer pong ball. Hope you like the smell of spilled PBR on a perpetually sticky floor and too much Axe body spray.
White Horse Tavern, Greenwich Village
One of the few remaining hipster enclaves in the Village that is guaranteed to make you remember everything you hate about men with zero self-awareness screaming into your ear about Bitcoin and the bar’s impressive IPA selection. It can get pretty crowded on the weekends, so brace yourself for an unwanted hand on your lower back as some douchebag makes their way through the bar.
Pietro Nolita, Bowery
This city is crawling with fame-obsessed influencers that will do anything for a fancy-schmancy photo op, and this Instagrammable bar is their watering hole. This place will remind you of how annoying it is to be surrounded by millennials that think it’s still cool to blog. But don’t worry about actually having a good time. It only matters if you look like you’re having fun in the picture.
Jekyll and Hyde Club, West Village
Do you love bars that have a live show with outdated animatronics? No? That’s what we thought. You might decide to go to this bar ironically for the spooky Jekyll and Hyde show, but next thing you know, some open micer will be asking where you’re from. No amount of improv classes can prepare you for the consequences that come with going to a bar that has live entertainment.
Clockwork Bar, Lower East Side
Shabby little dive bars like this one remind us that punk’s not dead! It also reminds us that punks can be incredibly pretentious and you’ll somehow feel judged in this grungy dive. The bouncer will be mean, the bathrooms will be toxic, and anyone that doesn’t look like Sid Vicious will be treated like Johnny Rotten.