Democrat Loses on Purpose To Write Memoir
MUNCIE, Ind. — Democratic gubernatorial candidate Wesley Ellison admitted to purposely phoning in his run for governor while writing a memoir reflecting on his loss, apathetic sources confirmed. “I didn’t put too much energy into my camp…
Opening Band Impresses Headliner With 45 Minutes of Meticulous Tuning
DENVER — Local math-ska band Honkzonga recently wasted theirs and everyone else’s time while trying to impress the headliner for a show they somehow conned… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Millennial Recounts Extinct Social Tradition Known as the ‘House Party’
I Was One of the Angst-Ridden Teens in the “Last Resort” Music Video, and You Will Address Me With the Respect I Deserve
What the fuck did you just say to me? I can’t believe your insolence, but I’ll be willing to give you the benefit of a… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
The Next Clark Kent/Superman? We’ve Never Seen Ice and the Proud Boys at the Same Place at the Same Time
Look, I’m no detective. I lack the intelligence, training, qualifications, and decency to perform such a job — much like an ICE agent — I’m… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
ICE Agent Returns Home to Hero’s Welcome From AI Girlfriend
Conservative Men Use Empty Melania Theaters for Grindr Hookups
WASHINGTON — Multiple D.C. area movie theaters say Republican members of Congress and congressional staffers have begun using empty screenings of “Melania,” a documentary about… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Music
Band Sells Out by Making a Living Playing the Music They Always Wanted To Create
SEATTLE — Punk band Hot Ghost Bingo Host, who has achieved success with their recent debut album “Optional Requirements,” is being accused of selling out, even though they only just started making a living with the music they’ve always wanted…
It Unclear Whether Bluegrass Fan the Redneck Kind or the NPR Kind
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Bluegrass fan Kyle McCormick left everyone who encountered him at Preservation Pub…
Guy Whose Political Knowledge Is Exclusively From System of a Down Lyrics Better Informed Than 99% of People He Interacts With
TOPEKA, Kan. — Nu-metalhead Roger Antesburger found that his lifelong System of a Down fandom…
Bryan Adams Re-Records “Summer of ‘69” As “Summer of ‘67” to Connect With the Youth
ONTARIO, Canada — Canadian rock musician Bryan Adams re-recorded his hit song “Summer of ‘69”…
Just Because We’re a Metalcore Band Doesn’t Mean We’re From the Midwest, but Yeah, We’re Only Touring Iowa and Nebraska
I've always believed stereotypes, whether positive or negative, are reductive and paint a picture of…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…