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How Millennials Killed Romance When One of Them Fucked My Wife

Romance is dead and millennials killed it. Gone are the days of excitement, spontaneity, and fidelity. Instead, the “me me me” generation seeks out instant gratification, apathetic relationships, and apparently my wife Debra.

People used to show up to first dates with flowers. They would lay their jackets across puddles. People were NOT sexually involved with their pool cleaner while in a committed, legally-binding relationship. That’s how I was raised, anyway. However, it seems that millennials would rather forgo a deeper connection for meaningless sex. Specifically meaningless sex with my wife.

Love at first sight is also dead. Now you can instantly find out everything you need to know about somebody before you meet them by digging through their social media to find out things like their jobs, hobbies, and marital status, which you can also just choose to ignore, I guess.

Related: We Asked These 7 EDM DJs to Stop Having Sex with Our Wife


And where have romantic gestures gone? These kids will put on sweatpants and get married at a courthouse with a secondhand moissanite ring they got off of eBay for ten dollars. I worked day and night to earn enough money to buy my darling a diamond wedding ring that she now puts in her pocket as she walks into dive bars.

It’s clear that millenials have killed the art of romance and I seem to be the only one who has a problem with it. Whatever. I’m going to try and cool off by going to my childhood happy place- Toys “R” Us. Good luck killing that, millennials.