SAN FRANCISCO — 38-year-old father and successful business owner Vince Martinez is still, despite all sound logic and reason, nostalgic for the absolute shittiest years…
Boy I tell ya, when they say to make sure to read the fine print they mean it! It all started two weeks ago when…
TROY, Mich. — Floor Trends Magazine editors have chosen NOFX’s 1994 skate-punk anthem “Linoleum” as the magazine’s Song of the Year for the 25th year…
VACAVILLE, Calif. — Local thrash band VomIts-Its officially canceled their summer tour yesterday after every member was forced to attend summer school, according to super-bummed…
TITTY CITY — Female Body Inspector Benjamin Travis Dover was fired this morning following several recent disciplinary incidents, forcing him to turn in his gun…
Yes, America has modern day concentration camps that hold migrant children in cages of their own filth. But we also understand that a new season…
SAVANNAH, Ga. — AFI superfan Kristen Gallows spent her entire paycheck last night on amulets yet again, bankrupting herself for the week in a pattern…
BOSTON — A legendary and possibly mythical mosher was allegedly spotted last night enjoying a four-course French meal in the pit a hardcore show without…
EL PASO, Texas — An agent with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement was indignant today after once again being compared to a member of the…
Yes, we understand that we confused Jared Simmons as a member of the Hammerskin Nation, one of the most violent neo-Nazi Skinhead gangs in the…
TUCKER, Ga. — Punk Ollie Boyer turned around a framed photo on his nightstand last night of punk rock icon and notoriously judgemental dude Henry…
MILWAUKEE — Sound Engineer Quintin Hafner purchased a large-format DiGiCo S31 Digital Mixer yesterday, but was unable to fit the board into his ’89 Honda…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Local medical supply salesman Elliot Harrison’s recent haircut was immediately noticed this morning by coworkers with seemingly nothing else to talk about,…
1. It Would Be Problematic For Our Management Bonuses To Share! YOLOL! 😉 2. Whoa! All Our Staff Live In The Same Cities As POC…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local hardcore kid Connor Razzo moshed very cautiously at a show last night to protect the record he purchased following the opening…