ENCINITAS, Calif. — Vince Trajano, guitarist of skate punk band Swelbow, swore moments ago that he nailed all of his guitar parts yesterday on the first try with no warm ups, frustrated sources confirmed.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me today — I must be nervous because we’re recording or something,” said Trajano while stretching his fingers. “Yesterday, I got out of my car, plugged my guitar in and just let it rip. I played the whole song perfect — didn’t miss a note. And I even added a little flare to my solo.”
“Maybe the air conditioning is too cold in here and my fingers are stiff,” he added, “or somebody waxed my strings. I just need a few more tries.”
Trajano’s bandmates explained a number of problems directly related to their guitarists’ inconsistency.
“Vince thinks that just because he played a song all the way through once, that he has it on lockdown and never needs to practice it again. Then, when it comes time to play a show, we look like crap, because his hands just flop around the fretboard trying to figure out what he did that one time,” said drummer Artie Fallon. “But that’s not even the most frustrating thing: as soon as we write a new song and he plays it correctly, he’ll immediately try to play it left-handed. He claims he wants to be more ‘well-rounded’ if he ever enters a guitar competition.”
Popular skate punk producer Donnie “No Comply” Compton admitted this a common problem within the genre.
“The most frustrating thing to me about all of this is that most of these guys just identify with the fashion of skate punk, without actually putting in the time. They have their cuffed pants, five panel hats, and what have you… but they aren’t practicing the basics for hours on end,” said Compton. “It’s like they’d rather just drink beer with their friends or something. What they don’t realize is that if you want to play skate punk at a professional level, you need to dedicate yourself to the craft. Otherwise, you’re just a hobbyist.”
At press time, witnesses confirmed that Trajano, despite attempting to play the same riff for the past four hours, is only getting worse.