ODESSA, Texas — Touring hardcore band Mormon Conversion Unit was criticized last night for failing to observe the established etiquette of wiping down the equipment…
AUBURN, Maine — Local man David Strathe asked locals yesterday where he could donate blood while frantically attempting to balance multiple bags, sacks, containers, and…
The Claim: According to an internet ad my neighborhood is full of horny mature women looking to get wet and wild with ME right now,…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Former skater and aging punk Brett Ryerson claimed his spot yesterday as the world’s biggest Pulley fan, citing his ownership of their…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Recently deceased man Jerry Davidson confessed on his deathbed last week that Juggalos, the clown-faced fans of Insane Clown Posse, are an…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Newly related step-siblings Kara Sullivan and Aiden Zendowski have very little to no sexual chemistry, confused and frustrated sources living in the…
Shoegaze pioneers My Bloody Valentine changed music forever with their genre-defining album “Loveless.” As it turns out, their name bears a striking resemblance to a…
PRIPYAT, Ukraine — Officials at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant discovered yesterday a fourth HAIM sister buried beneath a previously untouched mass of uranium fuel…
MESA, Ariz. — Indie-folk band The Fox and the Nightingale discovered during a jam session at their new practice space last night that what their…
LONDON — “Black Mirror” show creator Charlie Brooker admitted today that he’s struggling to conceive of the scariest thing a rogue FitBit could do as…
Everyone knows this about me — if a dude walked into this bar right now with a gun and fired at my bandmates, I would…
HALIFAX, N.S. — Local band Goblin Fist allegedly sounded just as good last night to the smokers outside the venue as it would if they…
DENVER — Panicked local guitarist Leonard Walsh wiped blood from his face moments ago while insisting his band drop everything, hit the road under cover…
BOSTON — Local psychiatrist Dr. Martina Mevorak counseled her patient Adam Mallory this morning, letting him know that it could take up to six full…
Do you feel a lack of energy, motivation, and general wellness in your life? Sheeple out there will tell you this is due to tangible…