Look, I get it: January is a time for fresh beginnings, exciting challenges, and character building; a time to evaluate the person you have been…
SEATTLE — Local dishwasher Freddie Young is frustrated by his inability to find an artist willing to tattoo Death Grips lyrics anywhere on his body,…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — A fuzzy little punk roommate known only as “Banjo” twitched adorably in his sleep yesterday, presumably dreaming that he was running away…
Look, as the frontman of the band, I am the visionary—and vision—holding this band together. Crusty Vag would just be some instrumental study music if…
DANVERS, Wash. — A beloved biscuits and gravy recipe, made famous by the local Triple Five restaurant, is allegedly an exact copy of the one…
It’s time to set the record straight. Back in the early 90s, Dave Coulier was an unrelenting whore and everyone in Canada was going down…
ATHENS, Ga. — Record store clerk Jimmy Taylor, well-liked by customers for his attentiveness, knowledge of music, and generally affable nature, was fired yesterday by…
RALEIGH, N.C. — A shirtless Senator Bernie Sanders stepped into the UFC Octagon vowing to take on all comers during a media workout ahead of…
CONCORD, Calif. — Local punk couple James Paulson and Maria Overholt admitted last night in front of friends and family that although they are proud…
As one of the few people in this world that genuinely listens to lyrics and pays attention to song titles, allow me to blow your…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — Local woman and “legitimate fucking moron who acts like she’s better than everyone all of a sudden” Wendy Montoya allegedly enacted some…
Now more than ever we need representation in media, especially in the female cartoon goth department. Women in cartoons are typically shown as subordinates to…
CHICAGO — Combative brothers and Oasis founders Liam and Noel Gallagher reunited yesterday to surprise a hospitalized Oasis superfan with an endless display of their…
ALTOONA, Pa. — Anthony Spengler, the drummer for the hardcore band Unabashed, cleared off half of the band’s usual merch of T-shirts, buttons, and barely…
The Ultimate Playlist to Let Her Know You’ve Moved On, but Are Still Down to Bang, Get Back Together
The Ultimate Playlist to Let Her Know You’ve Moved On, but Are Still Down to Bang, Get Back Together
Looking to save face with your ex while also desperately trying to get her back? Cue the breakup playlist! Nothing says “I’m over it” like…