BOSTON — Longtime fans of local hardcore band Turkey Neck report 30-year-old frontman Ryan Walsh is leaving his shirt on deeper into their sets than…
NORTHAMPTON, Mass. — Aspiring influencer Joey Partouzi abandoned a much-hyped DIY project in record time yesterday after facing a small setback during the planning stage,…
VISTA, Calif. — Divorced parents Margaret Clark and Pete Doyle put aside years of mutual acrimony last night, reconnecting over their hated of daughter Kelsey’s…
When Elon Musk asked me to point a gun at his new Cybertruck I thought he just wanted to demonstrate that the glass was bulletproof.…
WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence was “disoriented” and “inconsolable” last night leaving a concert by metal band Lamb of God shortly after it began,…
PORTLAND, Maine — Attendees, staff, and band at a Drunk Witch show last night simultaneously all concluded that they’re just “too old for this loud…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Beta cuck Seth Armitage watched helplessly from the side of his wife Nadia’s hospital bed last Thursday as cancer totally fucked…
Hey, thanks for picking me up — Wait, did you just restart that song so it was playing when I got in the car? Oh,…
DETROIT — Controversial singer/songwriter Morrissey is now selling signed copies of albums by the notorious white power band Skrewdiver for $300 at concerts, attendees at…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — High school sophomore Michelle Johnston was hospitalized for exhaustion last night after leaving a full day of attending predominantly white classes…
HILTON, N.Y. — Boyfriend and birthday boy Brad Krister insisted today he really doesn’t want anything from you this year other than to spend time…
There is a real problem in this country, and no, I’m not talking about peanut oil. I’m talking about the way we treat old people.…
BALTIMORE — Members of local band Wasted Rat agreed yesterday that the guitar solo in their new song “absolutely rips,” but immediately turned to arguing…
BURBANK, Calif. — Contrarian punk Greg Howard derailed his family’s appearance on “Family Feud” yesterday with esoteric answers and random outbursts, production sources still cleaning…
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — An alarming new report released today found that your DVD collection is in disarray, thanks to months of putting the DVD you…