BALTIMORE — Local frontman Dave Kuenen of hardcore band Hammer & Nail is under scrutiny today for allegedly cheating on his long-term diet with an…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Old-school punk and the woman you call “Grandma,” Ophelia “Snotcock” Dillon, noticed you no longer come by to borrow her van for…
Oh, dear. Well, Billy, you’re in a bit of a precarious situation here. Damn, this jump looked way narrower from down there. Ah, shit! Are…
LONG BEACH, Calif. — A controversial report released by The Center for Technology today concluded that “probably like 90%” of all individual music collections are…
We’ve all done embarrassing stuff when we were young. William Frederick Jordan Durst, the auteur director who graced us all last summer with the psychological…
PHILADELPHIA — Adam Lyons, the lead singer of local band Krawlspace, was deeply offended yesterday after finding a kill-list written by a deranged super-fan with…
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Popular photo and video-sharing social networking company Instagram unveiled a new filter last week that makes it look like a live…
The planet is dying, ya’ll. If we don’t act soon even the sickest venues will be entirely underwater and/or perpetually on fire. These are the…
SEATTLE — Local man Evan Sobitski is terrified at the moment that he’s about to get in an actual, physical fight after challenging a stranger…
We here at The Hard Times have always been fascinated with the thought experiment that if you give a monkey a typewriter and an infinite…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Wes Borland, the assumed longtime guitarist of nü-metal band Limp Bizkit, was found to be a member of Mudvayne last week thanks…
CARSON CITY, Nev. — 63-year-old punk Ardith “Ardie” Keith cannot believe you haven’t heard of obscure local band Frankie and The Pussies, who broke up…
DOG HEAVEN — Several dogs awaiting entry into the big, grassy field in the sky are being forced to wait patiently until Dog St. Peter…
I love The Flaming Lips and I always will. That will never change regardless of what drugs I’m on. Drugs, like music, open our minds…
REVERE, Mass. — Misguided 43-year-old street punk Martin “Peanut” Landers announced today that he will be upping his cigarette intake to help himself lose 15…