Press "Enter" to skip to content

63-Year-Old Punk Can’t Believe You Haven’t Heard of Obscure Local Band Who Broke Up in 1981

CARSON CITY, Nev. — 63-year-old punk Ardith “Ardie” Keith cannot believe you haven’t heard of obscure local band Frankie and The Pussies, who broke up in 1981 just three years before you were born, according to sources also unfamiliar with the band.

“Man, these kids don’t know shit about anything… it’s like they think this scene was just built overnight or something, and all punk started with Green Day,” a visibly irritated Keith stated. “Do they think the Carson City scene would’ve had Gary Anger in ‘86 if Shutdown Bastards wasn’t there to pave the way in ‘84? And those six glorious months that The Titty Fux were around — do you mean to tell me that all three lineup changes and the one divorce was for nothing? Ungrateful poser assholes.”

Current scene members were allegedly schooled by Keith through a near-constant subjection to trivia about bands who were around for four months, over 38 years ago.

“Listen, I love coming out and seeing Ardie at shows — dude has the best stories, and he always buys me a Sprite since I quit drinking. But that man will not shut the fuck up about some old-ass band no one under 40 could have possibly heard of, every single time I talk to him,” said local punk Celina Corrales. “It’s great hearing about what the scene was like, but it seems like all of them just sounded like some shittier version of The Germs. And to be honest, I don’t even feel comfortable repeating some of the names of these bands out loud.”

Self-proclaimed scene historian Molly “Retch” Cecil explained that Keith is not alone in his frustration.

“If I’ve seen this happen once, I’ve seen it a hundred times,” Cecil said. “The problem is, most of the bands that were the true pioneers of the scene never actually got around to recording any music. We had the Geriatrictards that were our answer to Black Flag for the 75 days they were around… not to mention The Trouble Boys, or even Dirty Dicks. It’s like this whole city was taken over by posers.”

At press time, Keith was wondering if you ever went by “Fat” Jerry Nowak’s garage to skim through old records in 1993.