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Opinion: I Think I Can Make It!

Oh, dear. Well, Billy, you’re in a bit of a precarious situation here. Damn, this jump looked way narrower from down there. Ah, shit! Are those sharp rocks? There weren’t any sharp rocks down there a second ago!

Okay now, focus up. You got this. Remember, all the guys are watching; Joey, Tommy, Gooey, that weird kid with the eyepatch. They all laughed when you said you could make this jump. “You’ll never get enough lift with that Huffy” they said. We’ll you’re showing them.

Oh, crap! Now I’m spinning. How the hell did I start spinning? This is not good. Hey! I can see the guys now… what the hell is eyepatch doing with that rock? Ow! Fuck! He hit me in the arm that lazy-eyed dick!

Okay, we’re facing the right way again. You got this, Billy. Just a few more feet. Wow, that landing ramp looks pretty warped. I don’t even think its set up right; it’s propped against a half-deflated basketball and an old melon rind.

Oh, crap! My shoelace is caught in the chain. It’s caught in the chain! Okay, this could get dicey. Can you kick your shoe off? No, there’s no time. Okay, just put it out of your mind, the ramps right there.

Now, just take her in easy. They said you wouldn’t make it. You’re so close. They all laughed. Well, HA! You showed them. You’re gonna land this jump and everybody can suck it. Almost there. You’re gonna make it. You’re gonna…

Editor note: Billy did not make it.