Mindfulness is everywhere! From Instagram celebs to that friend whose Medium page you keep lying about reading, it seems like no-one will shut up about…
GILROY, Calif. — 13-year-old Matthew Staller’s social standing has not improved at all since his middle school closed down last month, the seventh-grader quietly reported…
All you kids these days, with your “Animal Crossing” and your one-and-done stimulus payments, think you’re so fucking cool just because you lost your job…
NEW YORK — The cast of “Sesame Street” joined the country’s leading scientists and health experts this weekend in a special episode that explains the…
WASHINGTON — Notable Alzheimer’s awareness organization Sundown Movement officially endorsed former Vice President and Democratic nominee Joe Biden this morning, stating the candidate “exemplifies their…
Oh my gosh! There’s nothing like an adorably incompetent government to make us forget our woes, even momentarily! After over a month of quarantine, the…
TRENTON, N.J. — 31-year-old punk William “Billy Club” Moore’s new model-building hobby is primarily just a socially acceptable means for the scene elder to continue…
HOUSTON — Local man Joseph Graciano spent the past 72 hours obsessively streaming “The Simpsons” on Disney+ looking for anything else that could portend doom…
SAN FRANCISCO — Pornhub saw a drastic spike in searches for “groups of more than 10 people” this quarter, the result of a new but…
Our country is teetering on the brink of oblivion. Governments are looking to dismantle our very way of life and revoke our rights from under…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Up-and-coming black metal band Desolate Slaughter are hurriedly shooting album art tonight after their bassist Rob Moore died mid-rehearsal, sources still waiting…
Weeks of shelter-in-place left one unlucky man’s sleep schedule completely turned around! James Walters, a thirty-year-old father of one and the only person on the…
WASHINGTON — The recently added census question, “What is your darkest fear?” has sparked confusion amongst citizens filling out the questionnaire, U.S. Census Bureau officials…
Like any responsible citizen I keep track of international news and, while this isn’t an endorsement of the leadership of Kim Jong-Un or North Korea,…
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Federal Government announced today that, due to a plummeting economy related to the COVID-19 pandemic, it will layoff three states in…