All you kids these days, with your “Animal Crossing” and your one-and-done stimulus payments, think you’re so fucking cool just because you lost your job and can’t afford shit now. Well, guess what buckaroo, some of us showed up drunk to our Wendy’s shift years ago and haven’t worked a day since. You think you’re bored off your gourd, imagine what I’ve been going through.
Sure, maybe my housemates might be sick of it, but what are they gonna do, kick me out? It’s not like any of them are gonna huff it down to the corner store to pick up more Hamm’s. Did you hear that? I will get off the couch and walk to the store for beer, just so no one else has to. And you think that your gig was “essential”.
Besides, it’s not like I just sit around and do nothing. I walk down to the living room to binge Hulu almost every single day, and if I’m feeling really spicy then sometimes I even do the dishes. Not all of them, but like, a fork or two. Hell, I even took my housemate’s dog for a socially-distanced walk last week. If that’s not worth smoking their weed and bumming it, then what is?
I dunno, here’s an idea, but maybe if you could afford coke on an hourly wage, I would have actually been able to keep up with the work and we wouldn’t be here. But we are, and that’s not going to change any time soon. What am I going to do, just ask them for an application for a counter job next time I’m at 7/11 to pick up a case? In this economy? Grow up.
Now fuck off my porch, I’ve got doobies to roll, baby.