DENVER — Lifelong sports fan Brian Pimento is allegedly now “all in” for German soccer club Borussia Mönchengladbach despite never previously watching soccer before Colorado’s…
I went to Amazon HQ and was shown into Jeff Bezos’ office, under the guise of interviewing him about becoming the world’s first trillionaire. He…
NEW YORK — Local two-timer Thomas McGibbons is looking forward to the end of quarantine after being stuck with his second and more annoying family…
Between their labor abuses, monopolistic actions, and abysmal pandemic response, I would boycott Amazon. I really would. Unfortunately, the grim reality is Amazon has my…
SAN DIEGO — Local classical guitar virtuoso and all-around good dude Sheldon Michelson’s musical talent and congenial manner is consistently overshadowed by the abnormally long…
LOS ANGELES — Game show contestant Karen Graham used her “phone-a-friend” lifeline to call local police on the $500 question during a taping of “Who…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden publicly stated his intention today to defund the “Itty Bitty Titty Committee,” as well as provide tax…
Essential workers. Brave heroes. The second coming of Christ. These are the names we’ve all come to call our most necessary workers in this pandemic.…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk and tall guy Michael Snyder replaced standing in front of his short girlfriend Anna Nelson at shows with standing in…
LOS ANGELES — The producers of the hit TV show “Breaking Bad” admitted today that although they hadn’t yet murdered Aaron Paul, the man who…
SAN DIEGO — Thanks to the slowdown in day-to-day police activity, local officer Scott Martinson is now committing abuses of power against members of his…
In these strange and uncertain times, it seems like the world we once knew is gone for good. But hey, hang in there! This pandemic…
LANSING, Mich. — A new punk census surveyed scenes across the nation gauging the health of local DIY communities, and alarmingly found the numbers everywhere…
LOS ANGELES — Psychologists at UCLA announced a breakthrough discovery today in the case study of Allie Terrell, a strong, independent woman who was able…
LOS ANGELES — Popular podcast host Joe Rogan is set to become the first-ever artist played on the Spotify platform to be properly compensated, thanks…