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Leaked Joe Rogan Contract Reveals He Is First Adequately Compensated Artist on Spotify

LOS ANGELES — Popular podcast host Joe Rogan is set to become the first-ever artist played on the Spotify platform to be properly compensated, thanks to an agreement for the exclusive rights to his show “The Joe Rogan Experience,” according to leaked documents outlining the deal.

“I was very surprised when I saw the numbers,” said Michael Levine, an entertainment lawyer specializing in podcast law. “Not that Joe isn’t worth it — he’s got the biggest podcast in the world right now. I’m just used to my artists receiving .006 cents per stream. There is no doubt in my mind that Spotify could pay all of their artists more, but instead, they spent a boatload of money on this show where the main topics of conversation are how strong chimpanzees are and DMT.”

Rogan hopes his deal with Spotify will be positive for fellow podcasters and musicians alike.

“I’ve always heard musicians talking about how Spotify is ripping them off, but I’ve never had any issues with the company — their executives parked a dump truck full of money on my front lawn and said I just have to keep doing what I’m doing. Sounds good to me,” said Rogan between bong rips at his Woodland Hills studio archery range. “And I want to make it clear to everyone: the show is not going to change. Episodes will still be three hours or longer, there will still be long awkward pauses while I read something on a computer, and most importantly, I will still invite people like Jordan Peterson on and not question them critically. It’s what people love most about the show.”

Rogan’s new contract has other artists hopeful they too can get a boost in their payment from the platform.

“We have roughly 200 streams a month, which gives us a couple bucks every year,” said Regan “No Sleeves” Shannon, singer of folk-punk band Tall Bike Terrorists, via Zoom from his girlfriend’s parents’ house in Grosse Pointe, Mich. “But if this guy can get all that money just from having conspiracy theorists on his show, that means we can record the crazy homeless people we hang out with and start raking in the dough.”

At press time, streaming platform TIDAL announced they are willing to pay any podcasters $100 a year to talk into their userless void.