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“Breaking Bad” Producers Admit They Still Intend to Kill Aaron Paul Someday

LOS ANGELES — The producers of the hit TV show “Breaking Bad” admitted today that although they hadn’t yet murdered Aaron Paul, the man who portrayed the character Jesse Pinkman on the show, they still intend to one day kill him.

“I originally conceived of ‘Breaking Bad’ with Aaron in mind. I thought if I could just get him on set, I’d maybe sneak live rounds into one of the prop guns,” explained series creator Vince Gilligan. “I got kind of desperate as the show wrapped up, though: I tried leaving Aaron in a pit for months, thinking he’d starve to death… but some asshole snuck him food, I guess. I know where he lives, so I could really take care of it at any time, but I want the murder to really pop. I want to do it in a way people never expected.”

Paul’s work in the first season of “Breaking Bad” was so lauded, Gilligan allegedly delayed forcing actor Bryan Cranston to stab Paul to death with a “fake” knife.

“I pulled Gilligan aside near the end of the first season and said, ‘Look, I know you want Aaron to die — we all do — but I just don’t think now is the right time. He’s too popular. Maybe in a few years,’” said producer Mark Johnson. “Gillgian reluctantly agreed, but artists are artists, you know? I once caught him offering Jesse Plemmons $30 to shove Aaron in front of the train, but I reminded them that wouldn’t make much sense, narratively.”

For his part, Paul seemed relatively unsurprised by the producers’ admitted desire to “slip him real heroin while he slept.”

“When I first read the script for ‘El Camino,’ there were several scenes where Jesse died — like, 17 different scenes where, say, Jesse drives a car over a cliff, or gets eaten by Todd. And then the next page would start with headers like, ‘But if that doesn’t work…’ and the script would continue,” said Paul, furtively stealing glances over his shoulder. “Man, you say one thing about how you wished ‘X-Files’ had finished cleaner, and next thing you know, you spend the rest of your career making sure you don’t do any of your own stunts.”

Sources report Gilligan is now writing a cameo for Paul in the sixth season of ‘Better Call Saul’ as an unnamed man hand-delivering live explosives to construction sites across the Albuquerque metropolitan area.