ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention introduced new guidelines today to help quell the spread of COVID-19 by retroactively banning groups of…
BURBANK, Calif. — Local punk Janine Kirkwood achieved a personal milestone this month when she finally stopped being ghosted by Morrissey fans and instead is…
Hey there Delilah, what’s it like in New York City? I’m a thousand miles away, and honestly, I think it’s gonna stay that way. I’ve…
SEATTLE — Local musician Shelby Betancourt’s homemade N95 face mask, fashioned out of a flyer for an upcoming show, was destroyed yesterday by a passerby…
NEW YORK — Fans of Billy Eichner’s Webby award-winning series “Billy on The Street” report that the latest episode was “really depressing,” with the entire…
BALTIMORE — Quarantined family man Arti Hagelstein succumbed today to both boredom and the exotic allure of Thelkkphegorg, the sleep paralysis demon who wakes him…
There’s no doubt in my mind that scientists and medical experts all around the globe are working tirelessly to prevent COVID-19 from taking more lives.…
DETROIT — Citing growing health concerns, Insane Clown Posse’s Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J announced yesterday the first ever “Distancing Of The Juggalos” festival…
Caring for one’s mental health can be a challenge in the 21st century. With all of the modern world’s stressors and stimuli, it’s not hard…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local polyamorous woman Maris Seitman is now well aware of the misstep she made when choosing to quarantine with her least favorite…
It’s a difficult thing to accept but right now, the best thing you can do for some of the people you love the most is…
NEW ORLEANS — Self-care experts around the world suggest that everyone try to take a break from the frequent stress-crying done quietly in their bathrooms,…
It’s hard to envision how society will look in a post coronavirus world. Maybe everything will be fine, or maybe this disease will wipe us…
BOULDER, Colo. — Local crust punk Aaron Beckman compromised his health this week when his self-made coronavirus facemask inadvertently exposed him to 32 other rare…
CHICAGO — A panel of experts practicing social distancing across the country are reeling today, following the discovery that it is somehow already 4:05 p.m.…