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Punk Bed & Breakfast Requires That You Bring Both

PORTLAND, Ore. — A new, punk-themed bed & breakfast that offers the “luxury of living like a real life punk” requires that renters bring their own beds and breakfasts, according to an online listing.

“We are supplying the house: we shouldn’t be expected to provide you with food and comfort as well. You have full access to the shower if you can figure out how to turn it on… I just wouldn’t touch the bar of soap that’s in there,” said owner Mark Conner. “We’re selling an experience here. The house dog will sleep next to you — she has a couple of skin issues, so you won’t want to actually touch her — and there are a lot of cats that come and go as they please, so that adds to the fun. Also, any booze that you bring remains ours when you leave.”

While travelers were interested in the unique space, they report finding the whole ordeal confusing.

“I wanted to relive some of my 20s, and staying at that house reminded me how happy I am to be in my 40s,” said patron Hazel Garza. “I didn’t bring my own toilet paper, so they suggested I go to the gas station down the street and steal some. But the hardest part was finding the damn place: In the address line it just read, ‘Ask a punk,’ and then mentioned that no cops are allowed. I will say, though — the loud music playing all through the night was very authentic.”

Longtime punk business owners applauded the B&B for its DIY approach to the hospitality industry.

“Seems perfectly normal to me,” said Jared Armstrong, owner of the punk music venue The Dive. “Every person who stays at the house gets two drink tickets, good for orange juice or coffee in the morning. Also, if someone staying there gets five of their friends to stay there as well, then they’re first in line for the house’s one bathroom. Honestly, the house is probably losing money on this deal.”

The punk B&B is fully booked for the next three months, but owners say interested visitors are welcome to crash in Craig’s bed while he’s out of town or put up a tent in the backyard.