BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Body positivity advocate and campaign spokesperson Brianna Martin openly worried today that the movement may have to include white people with dreadlocks in order to fully live its ideals.
“Our slogan is ‘Every Body Is Beautiful,’ but we didn’t mean for that to resonate so strongly with white potheads or Post Malone,” said Martin, showing several photos of Caucasian men in Bob Marley shirts who paid to join a body positivity conference she’s organizing. “We just meant that healthy people come in different shapes and sizes. We don’t condone white dudes in dreads… even if they’re playing a pirate.”
“It’s tricky, because we wanna inspire people to be bold and be themselves, but that’s exactly the kind of message that might inspire more white people to get dreads,” she added. “Or worse, embark on a SoundCloud rap career.”
Martin’s assistant Allison Beatriz agreed, pointing to an uptick of registrants from liberal-identifying white people, most of whom seemed to be traveling from Portland.
“We think they found us through our Instagram ads,” said Beatriz, showing their ad of people hugging with the phrase, “Your body is not wrong, society is.” “Inclusivity is important to us, but right now there’s a lot of hippies and white girls who dated one Black guy in college planning to attend. They always show up with incense and set off the fire alarms, and they still have the gall to ask if they can touch my hair. Why? You already have dreads. Touch your hair!”
Martin is actively trying to rebrand the movement to discourage Caucasians who went to Jamaica once and made Rastafarianism their personality from joining. However, the latest focus group results showed that the campaign is still too inclusive.
“People point at me on the street and make fun of me because of my dreads,” said alabaster-white focus group attendee Brain Wojcik. “It sucks! I’m glad I found this body positivity support group. Discrimination is still alive and well in this country.”
Compounding the problem, the conference is also plagued by an influx of anti-mask protestors who resonated with the slogan, “My Body, My Rules.”