TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis announced today that his state has won a federal contract to become the nation’s largest mass grave, thanks…
WASHINGTON — Representatives for the popular NFL team based in Washington, D.C. claimed today that they only used their long-standing team nickname as a strategy…
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to…
VAN NUYS, Calif. — Celebrated actress and seemingly constant indie cinema presence Chloe Sevigny was seen yesterday hanging around the set of upcoming film “The…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local ex-boyfriend Sergio Matthews offered a convincing argument as to why he doesn’t need therapy by pacing around his girlfriend Mallory Speers’…
Holy shit am I the next Kirk Hammett? No, I can’t shred on the guitar and my hair is less “rock God” and more “birds…
LOS ANGELES — Three members of local punk quartet The Herniated Dicks defied Los Angeles’ stringent coronavirus quarantine guidelines to meet up and rag on…
BOISE, Idaho — Local bored woman Mona Trevino has quietly re-followed all of the messy, oversharing friends on Facebook she previously unfollowed after exhausting every…
SACRAMENTO — Local band Meerkat Infanticide has asked Die Society, the headliners of today’s PUNKDEMIK streamed benefit show, to allow them to use their Zoom…
SEATTLE — A visibly nervous group of Democratic leaders held a closed door meeting today to discuss possible ways to ask mega-corporation Amazon to chip…
HEAVEN — God, the almighty creator of Heaven and Earth, can not find a single reason to refuse recently-deceased straight edge kid Randy Larrett’s entry…
I was once like you, barely able to pay for essentials like Tinder Plus while still having enough money leftover for avocados and bubble tea.…
WICHITA, Kan. — Parents Tina and Dale Jeffries breathed a huge sigh of relief this week as their 16-year-old son Kyson’s militant fascism is finally…
One of the many enjoyable aspects of writing for The Hard Times is being able to review the artists I love. This week, I thought…
NEW YORK — NYPD officer Martin Stuart heroically paused earlier today to reflect that chokeholds are now an illegal use of force in New York…