SILVER SPRING, Md. — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has forced R&B group Blackstreet to disclose that their 1996 hit song “No Diggity” may…
SIMI VALLEY, Calif. — Up-and-coming male pornstar Dixon Nixon was seen online early Friday morning flashing a brand new flash tattoo of a heart and…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local realtor Aaron “Shredder” Dukowski can’t wait to show potential buyers exactly where a gruesome quadruple murder happened inside the two-story…
WASHINGTON — Over two dozen White House staff members with clandestine ties to the Kremlin and operating within President Trump’s trusted inner circle admitted today…
After watching “Midsommar” for the first time, I told my friends “Man, thank christ Scandinavians aren’t real. That would be terrifying.” He then said to…
AUGUSTA, Ga. — Local band Wall Socket officially announced their breakup today, moving into the next phase of their careers as full-time staff at The…
CUMBERLAND, Md. — Local man David Englund sealed his own disastrous fate earlier today by reportedly dismissing a friend’s offer of a spearmint Altoid on…
NEW YORK — A shocking new fan theory posited by every single Redditor last week claims that your favorite fictional characters are “all in Purgatory…
WASHINGTON — The White House claimed President Trump’s recent move to a local morgue at the insistence of his doctors was “simply a precautionary measure”…
LOS ANGELES –– Local man Eric Dunklin secretly hopes his Tinder date Melissa Chavez doesn’t notice he lied about being Glenn Danzig on his dating…
BETHESDA, Md. — White House officials were alarmed this morning after President Donald Trump discovered a presumed threat to “Get Dead” when scrolling through his…
Increased metabolism, stronger vision, boosted immune system (um, HELLO COVID), reduced cancer risk, lowered cholesterol, and strengthened brain function—these are just six of the endless…
AURORA, Colo. — Desk Sgt. Shane Winchfeld, an eight-year veteran of the Aurora Police Department, was promoted to patrol duty today after emailing an aggressively…
So there I was at a socially un-distanced party at a buddy’s lake house when someone asked if anyone has heard good new music. This…
LOS ANGELES — Ronnie Jordan, the bassist for Los Angeles glam-rock band Humdinger, reached out to his band’s lead singer Dikki Spitz via celebrity video-sharing…