BOSTON — Local landlord Viktor Lind used his precious time and resources to add a fresh coat of paint to a dead mouse in the…
Hey there, new meat. First mosh pit? No? Well that’s not what it looks like to me, a mosh pit veteran. What kind of technique…
NEW YORK — Local punk Than Luethke reports that the majority of his caloric intake comes from the free wine and cheese platters offered at…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Executives at Apple TV responded to “an overwhelming amount of customer demands” by announcing that their network will now be referred to…
CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS — An overloaded barge containing nearly fifty thousand gallons of coconut oil spilled into the Gulf Of Mexico causing over 300 species…
Let’s get this out of the way up top: Just because I haven’t washed my dishes in a week doesn’t mean I’m depressed. I’m just…
CITY OF INDUSTRY, Calif. — Mall chain store Hot Topic announced that it has grown out of its punk phase and finds its past pretty…
KENOSHA, Wis. — Judge Bruce Schroeder told acquitted murderer Kyle Rittenhouse he hopes they can “hang out again really soon” immediately following the not guilty…
KENOSHA, Wis. — Renowned courtroom analyst Dr. John Andersen confirmed that freshly acquitted murderer Kyle Rittenhouse was as proficient as a seasoned cop when it…
SAN DIEGO — The “So-Cal Shimmy,” a brand new novelty party song, is enjoying a quick rise in popularity at weddings across the country because…
HUMPTULIPS, Wash. — Local “rise and grinder” Jake Munchen is reportedly trying to break into the venue security career field by practicing crossing his arms…
Baby, it doesn’t have to be this way. I know we’ve had problems. We’ve fought. Hell, we’ve made each other sick with indigestion. But we’ve…
SAN FRANCISCO — The new Metallica Masterclass program where they teach viewers how to be a band is being called confusing and misleading by subscribers…
Depression is a real buzzkill. Or a buzz inducer if you self-medicate with alcohol like I recently had to stop doing. Constantly bottoming out aside,…
OMAHA, Neb. — A longtime Walmart employee revealed that he is giving himself at least three or four more shifts until he finally snaps and…