Bum-bum-diddily bumbumbumbum! Remember that thrilling sound of humming, super-wet reverb from the first time you watched Pulp Fiction because some video-store guy implied you were…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A decrepit pair of jeans shook themselves fiercely in an attempt to rip themselves free of a local man’s legs as an…
Good morning! Oh, right. Sorry. We know there’s nothing worse than the morning after a night out. Splitting headaches, whiskey sweats, missing work to spend…
Funny how time works. One day we’re living in the ‘90s wearing high-waisted dad jeans, watching ‘Seinfeld,’ and talking about ‘The Matrix.’ Then all of…
EARTH — Punks around the globe who are unsatisfied with oppressive global systems designed to benefit a few powerful individuals at the expense of everyone…
I used to think the bond between a mother and daughter was a sacred truce that could be duplicated but never replicated, but that was…
So many great albums came out this year, and while you definitely meant to listen to them all, did you? What do you think?! You…
Hey bud, sorry to interrupt your kneeling sesh or whatever this, but we kind of need this spot. Sure it’s your dad’s grave and all,…
WORCESTER, Mass. — Punk and self-described “downfall of the establishment” Lyle Ponsinon recently made the decision to focus on ensuring the collapse of small, local…
Christmas is a magical time of year, in which anything seems possible! It’s a time when, even though you forgot to buy anyone in your…
LOS ANGELES — Astrology enthusiast Allison Cleary remains unaware that she is merely two TikTok videos away from interacting with an algorithm dedicated to spreading…
Jesus, that was a close one. I got that roller coaster feeling in my stomach for a second. You know that feeling when you’re driving…
GLENDALE, Ariz. — Duncan Figeroa, a forty-six father of two, broke a world record earlier today when he said the phrase “sounds like R.E.M.” for…
ROCK SPRINGS, Wyo. — Recently divorced woman Marie Nowak can now finally say she has one thing in common with her parents following the dissolution…
AMHERST, N.Y. — Claudia Piper has selected the dress that she will vomit André Spumante all over this New Year’s Eve, most likely while in…