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It’s Your Dad’s Grave But It’s Our Community’s Smoking Spot

Hey bud, sorry to interrupt your kneeling sesh or whatever this, but we kind of need this spot. Sure it’s your dad’s grave and all, but it’s also the designated after school smoking spot for our community of goths of ghouls. So we kindly ask that you respect our privacy.

Your dad’s grave is a perfect smoking spot. This graveyard is right on the intersection point of two ancient ley lines, making it a hot spot of supernatural energy from the underworld. It’s also only a few blocks from the gas station and has a nice view of the retention pond. In other words, you should be flattered.

We don’t just smoke here either. Poetry slams, Wicca rituals, Edgar Allen Poe readings; you name it, we’ve done it, all on top of your dad’s grave. And that’s not even counting all of the handjobs. So to say we just come here to smoke during class is actually really reductive.

Since you’re here, I’d like to ask that you stop leaving flowers and photos of him everywhere. We shouldn’t have to always clean up after you.

When you say stuff like “don’t balance your skateboard on the headstone” or “stop flicking your cigarette butts into the rose pot,” or “leave,” you’re basically disregarding our entire community. The Starbucks is always packed, and the YMCA is out of the question, so we don’t have anywhere else to go. Don’t even think about suggesting we go to the mall either because we’re not mall goths. We’re graveyard/underneath the bleachers/Culver’s goths, and I’m shocked you’d even compare us to those food-court skulking posers.

I didn’t know your dad, but if a group of enigmatic youths like us asked if they could use his grave as a space for their dark congregation, I bet he’d say “fuck yeah, dude. Totes.”

Not once did we say you aren’t invited to smoke with us, but you’re going to need a wardrobe change first. That single white rose you’re holding is a good start since it’s metal as fuck. Swap the GAP hoodie and adult Sketchers for a dusk trench coat and gas mask and you’ll be all set. I think I have some extra eye shadow on me now, but you’re going to need to stop crying.