WESTON, Conn. — Local physicians used dental records yesterday to identify the body of legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards during a routine visit, despite…
LOS ANGELES — Out-of-work actor and outspoken conservative Kevin Sorbo sent his professional headshot to political commentator and apparent filmmaker Ben Shapiro in the off-chance…
LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Local woman Bette DeVargas made use of her time home during the Coronavirus pandemic by turning every single pair of her…
I’m sick and tired of the double standard when it comes to drug use in this country. If you want to drink until you’re blind…
OAKLAND, Calif. — The local Oakland hardcore scene announced today that it will collectively convert to being a heavily tattooed running group after months of…
PAWTUCKET, R.I. — Conservative pundits outraged by Hasbro’s announcement that Mr. Potato Head would become gender-neutral immediately created petitions to ensure the company would not…
This isn’t the dark ages. Women rock out. We play guitars. As Phoebe Bridgers demonstrated on SNL, sometimes we rock so hard that we smash…
DULUTH, Minn. — Local determined man Chris Vazquez went overboard Tuesday evening when he ate an entire bag of Lay’s potato chips in an effort…
Much like TV, ice cream, and porn, pets exist solely to distract us from the inevitability of death. Well, until they die. Then our mortality…
NORWOOD, Mass. — Older brother Jack Durso bought the new NOFX CD “Single Album” yesterday, which he plans to keep in a faux-leather binder under…
After years of unsuccessful attempts, me ‘n Scooter finally made our way down to Bohemian Grove and caught a lizard person! Once we tied it…
OVIEDO, Fla.— Local emotional support dog Reggie is under fire today for acting as more of an enabler for his owner’s anxieties rather than diminishing…
I love life’s simple pleasures. I’m talkin’ taking in a good sunset, falling asleep to the sound of a crackling fire, or biting into a…
WASHINGTON — Independent venue owner Joe Englert panicked early yesterday morning after realizing he’s left sound guy Jake Montgomery locked in his club DC9 since…
WARRINGTON, Pa. — Local man and guy who “maybe enjoys an occasional drink, no big deal” Dennis Walsh realized yesterday that alcoholism is the only…