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A Match Made in Hell: Hacky Sack Guy Dating Devil Sticks Guy

VENICE BEACH, Calif. — Local hacky sack guy from the boardwalk, Randy Gallaway, is officially now dating the devil sticks guy who usually hangs around the same area, Julius “Bam Bam” Makowski, irritated sources report.

“When I found out the hacky sack guy and the devil sticks guy were an item, I almost packed it up and moved back to Ohio,” said Venice resident Jay Singh, who until recently enjoyed walking his dog on the boardwalk. “They used to both separately ask me if I had any weed. Now they ask together, and it’s somehow worse. Maybe I’ll come back outside in January.”

However, not everyone is annoyed at the development.

“Their auras go really well together,” said slackline girl Danielle Delgado, who often sets up near the now-couple. “And between the two of them, they have like 300 crocheted beanies. For that reason alone, I support them. That takes a lot of intentional focus, most people quit pretty early on. That dude Bam Bam does lose control of his devil sticks 40 or 50 times a day and sometimes one of them knocks me off my line, but it’s all good.”

Counterculture relationship expert Nicole Lee says relationships like Gallaway’s and Makowski’s are common.

“When hacky sack is a big part of your identity, let’s face it: the vast majority of people hate you, and for good reason,” she said. “This often leads hacky sack guys to look to their closest neighbor, the devil sticks guy. These two subcultures share some crucial characteristics, namely, that they’re both dorks, and they’re both white. That’s pretty much enough for most people.”

At press time, Venice locals had launched a GoFundMe to send Gallaway and Makowski to Burning Man because at least it would get them out of there for a while.