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Well Well, Someone’s Suddenly Showing Interest in My NFTs Now That They’re Divorcing Me

Well isn’t this a surprising turn of events? I recently received a very interesting letter from an attorney concerning a certain non-fungible asset in my portfolio. I recall not so long ago someone dismissing NFTs as, “a fucking scam” and “the reason our relationship is crumbling.” Well, somebody sure is singing a different tune now that they’re divorcing me.

When I first explained why I was diversifying our savings into cartoon apes, I was called a “fool,” “insane,” and even a “fucking loser.” It sure sounds like somebody is ready to believe in their value now that they no longer love me. So who’s the loser now?

For the longest time, I thought our love was as secure as the blockchain. But it turns out our bond was fungible after all. Sure, things hadn’t been great between us for years, but I was ready to buy the dip. But now that my ex has come for my apes, this shit is officially irreconcilable. What really hurts is that I gave my ex every opportunity to join me on this journey. These could have been our apes.

Take the kids. You helped create them, after all. But you had nothing to do with my NFTs. How will I show my face at the Bored Ape Yacht Club after this? Hey, here’s an idea: Why don’t you just take a screenshot of them. Like I didn’t hear that one enough times.

If this is how it has to be then I hope that, in time, you’ll learn to love my NFTs as much as I do. And I certainly hope you appreciate them for their artistic merit because guess what, honey, it turns out they actually are worthless.