BELMAR, N.J. — The partial remains of self-proclaimed Weezer fanatic, Lance Figaro, were found washed up on the beach after it was suspected he was…
Oh, you like the “Stranger Things” soundtrack, huh? Yeah, it’s pretty nice. Modular synths, analog warmth — you’ve got to love those lush retro vibes.…
Timmy, I need to start treating you like the young man that you are. Hell, you’re practically a teenager. It’s time to grow up, give…
WASHINGTON — U.S. Marshals discovered a mysterious package outside of the Supreme Court which was later revealed to be an Edible Arrangement sent from Taliban…
LOS ANGELES — Representatives from Neutrogena announced they finally perfected a formula strong enough to be certified as “Goth-Strength” by the FDA just in time…
Don’t you hate ambiguous social rules? It’s like a guy can’t even go to a bar, get drunk, and take a piss on a wall…
MILFORD, Conn. – Local man Gary Miller’s fleeting moment of peace away from his grueling, hellish, and tedious daily life was instantly destroyed by the…
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we’re taking a look at Nirvana’s final studio…
OMAHA, Neb. — Members of local indie band Tetracycle are pioneering a new lo-fi sound but admit it’s not intentional and only the result of…
The pandemic is officially over, everyone! Much like a groundhog seeing his shadow, we have received the final sign that COVID is coming to an…
NEW YORK — Nominally cisgender/heterosexual individuals with amusingly low alcohol tolerances, colloquially known as “two-beer queers,” are advocating for their place within the greater LGBTQ+…
Songwriters will often take inspiration from real life whether it be emotions, relationships, or the culture surrounding them. On occasions, however, music’s origins can be…
DENTON, Texas — All members of local noise band Conflicted Hump-Feels recently experienced an existential crisis after accidentally writing a hook during practice, sources close…
How dare you say I didn’t help load in. While you were carrying that 900-pound bass cabinet down the narrow, poorly lit, iced-over stairwell, I…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. – Local crisis actor Alex Perkins expressed his desire to burst out from his creative cocoon and start directing false flag conspiracies, confirmed…