Going to see a show is a great excuse to dress up. Over the last few years though, it feels like everyone in the scene…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local tattoo artists are preparing for a huge wave of clients requesting the absolute stupidest, dumbshit tattoos possible in the wake of…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Shipping conglomerate FedEx announced a massive hiring effort to recruit hundreds of staffers dedicated to fucking up vinyl records during the shipping…
So you love horses. Well, I get it! Unfortunately, people who don’t love horses do not get it. That’s why us horse girls must stick…
NEW YORK — Emo fans remain shaken to their core after the release of the previously unthinkable: a new track from acclaimed emo group Across…
PHILADELPHIA — A black Roomba S-694 autonomous robotic vacuum cleaner is, in fact, the only tenant in a local punk house with a job, according…
Each week, The Hard Times travels back and revisits a notable album from the past. This week we’re doing a deep dive on Taking Back…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Hollywood composer Danny Elfman was reportedly dejected after his proposed score for an legitimately haunted carnival was turned down, according to…
BOSTON — Local ray of sunshine Sarah Bootley openly and unashamedly enjoyed Naval Tomb’s show from the front row last night, sources who wished she’d…
At times, the burden of all-encompassing intellect can be especially difficult to shoulder. The impossibility of stimulating all possible thought processes at once means even…
I know how this scheme works, you liberal cucks. First you wanna take away my beloved machine guns, which I have nicknamed “Better Penis” and…
LOS ANGELES — Concert-goers at the legendary Smoking Barrel recently learned that the club has never had to refill the contents of its bathroom soap…
PHOENIX — Local punk Frankie “Bullet” Higgins is quietly and privately working through the trauma of leaving his Yellow American Spirits sitting in the scorching…
Some say that I run a little hot-blooded, that I’m too quick to break a beer bottle over someone’s head before thinking things through. Those…
WASHINGTON — Viral TikTok sensation “Tariq the Corn Kid” shocked fans and political insiders alike after accepting a lucrative lobbying position on behalf of Agriculture…