SAN FRANCISCO — The new Metallica Masterclass program where they teach viewers how to be a band is being called confusing and misleading by subscribers…
SEATTLE — Local punk Brock Riley admits that he yearns for days when he could spread every illness under the sun to his friends without…
MIAMI — A small group of 19th Century time travelers is reportedly very disappointed with the lack of readily available cocaine in modern times, according…
DULUTH, Minn. — Professional sound technician Greg Thornton released an exasperated and rambling statement confirming that he also doesn’t understand why his presence would be…
SEATTLE — Local amateur groupie Sarah Pepper is reportedly horrified after accidentally sleeping with the deceased body lying behind a local bar’s PA system. “I…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local punk Randy “Dirty Randy” Lopez made a surprisingly well-thought-out and articulated case for the Chrysler PT Cruiser as a counter-culture icon,…
WASHINGTON — Fox News host Tucker Carlson used the 1981 Dead Kennedys song “Nazi Punks Fuck Off” as one of the first examples of cancel…
BETHESDA, Md. — Local resident Emily Spencer suffered through yet another flavorless meal when friend Darrien Thomas announced that he could only go somewhere with…
LAS CRUCES, N.M — Several local teens mocking adult man Terry Rothstein at the Mesilla Valley Mall have inadvertently caused him to work to improve…
WALTHAM, Mass. — A recent study published by the New England Journal of Medicine found that women who date men over the age of 40…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Touring band Dwight Zombie made a last-minute stop in Memphis early yesterday afternoon for the sole purpose of relieving their bowels before…
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple’s newest iPhone operating system, iOS 16, includes a predictive text feature that allegedly recognizes when the user is being invited to…
NEWCASTLE, Wyo. — Local punk and Jehovah’s Witness Mike “Pitstain” Dawson took it upon himself to counterbalance the Jehovah’s Witness’ message by going door to…
NEW YORK — Members of Racked Brain returned from a weekend “tour” and immediately began telling their friends tales of a “packed and absolutely bonkers”…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — A show in the basement of local punk house Arsonist Hall started exactly on time today, thanks to a Daylight Saving Time…