BRISTOL, Va. — The Eyeballs frontman Mike D’Ontario reportedly asked the opening act at a local show last night if he could borrow their setlist…
I have never been a religious man. That all changed the moment I came to the realization that, despite the fact that every blowhard entertainer…
DENTON, Texas — Emo punks Racquetball held a press conference last night to announce that they have never played the sport their band is named…
PORTLAND, Ore. — A group of Ouija board players were visited by a punk member of the ether last night, who communicated that it was…
MILWAUKEE — 32-year-old punk Omar Neihoff made a New Year’s resolution last night to attend at least one show before the end of this calendar…
As Americans, we hold the constitution sacred. However, America has changed so much since the constitution was written. Technological advancements and changing societal standards have…
OMAHA, Neb. — Newly hired sound guy David Murphy was “not about to take fucking notes from some bullshit guitarist” last Friday night when sound-checking…
DAYTON, Ohio — The drummer of local punk band Vulture Attack took a “confusingly inappropriate” amount of time last night to set up his minimalist…
SAN ANTONIO — Local concertgoer Tim Flinanski is two tandem stage dives away from certification for solo dives in accordance with recently enacted safety precautions,…
WASHINGTON — Scientists researching the life expectancy of punks now claim that the first punk to live a full 65 years has likely already been…
BETHLEHEM — A local show billed as “The Most Important Event in Human History” reportedly ended as a “total fucking bust,” thanks to a confusing…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Chicago punk Robbie Kaplan called attendees of last weekend’s Levin-Brady wedding ‘whiny posers’ and ‘crybabies’ as he was forcibly removed for repeated…
ONEONTA, N.Y. — Patrons at punk venue The Station report that the only functioning fixture in the entire bathroom is local coke dealer Reese Wicker,…
RICHMOND, Va. — Members of local hardcore band Without Dignity are doggedly working out the logistics of their first tour, consisting of two shows in…
Never meet your heroes. Everyone seems to have a story about an awful encounter with a celebrity, but I have always given a person of…